I am happy now but I wasn’t always. I started out wanting to take the on the world. To conquer everything to rise to the top. But over time those accomplishments that I had done, I was not thinking much of them. I figured go bigger, do bigger, be bigger.
Instead of being grateful that I had carved my way into the publishing business and being an illustrator for others and two publishing companies, I still felt like I hadn’t done enough.
I am now a published author of 4 books and yet still I felt lost I didn’t think much of it. But I was so wrong in my thinking. I have done more than what I set out to do. I accomplished so many of my bucket list items, and can honestly say I worked damn hard to get here.
I haven’t had it easy, life has challenged me every step of the way and I didn’t give up, No I couldn’t give up.
What fueled me was that voice in the back of my mind that kept telling me what had been drilled in my head from abuse from my parents and my ex that I would never amount to anything.
I was determined to prove them wrong, all of them. They tried to choke the life out of me but I was not going to let them. No one had that kind of hold on me, so I thought. And yet I stood there with hundreds of paintings I had done for customers and books I had written just staring at myself in the mirror still feeling like I wasn’t good enough to accept being happy about it.
And then it hit me, you will never be happy unless you are happy right now! If we are always looking for the next thing then the moment is lost on the accomplishment in front of us.
So what I am trying to say is, be happy right now in this moment. Take whatever little wins you get and be grateful for them now, don’t wait until its passed and not appreciate what you have. Apply that kind of mindset and life is not so hard and things we do maybe not a big deal to others but to us it is. Keep on the positives wherever you can find them, no matter how big or how small. It will keep you when you fall into that negative thinking, those voices in the back of your head trying to ruin the present moment.
SO today I am grateful that I have these books published and are out for the world to see, for those paintings I did which is a piece of me.
Be happy in the now,